“We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended. We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past. The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges and keep everyone around like relics but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Simply put, we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to. We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.”
Usually I'm pretty good with words. ANYONE who has been around me for more than ten minutes knows that I am good at talking.
What most people don't realize is that there are a lot of things I don't say, thanks to this wonderful thing I have called a filter.
It's not a real filter, not a physical entity, but I like to think there's a part of my brain that I've developed that will tell me..."HEY, DON'T SAY THAT. NOT HERE, NOT NOW."
This voice, or intuition, is a valued trait. But that's not where I'm going today, because I could write a ton about the filter in my head. The filter I am talking about is the one you use when it comes to who you let in your life and who you don't. I have experienced my fair share of ended friendships, ultimately a drifting apart that was for the best, and I find that it was ultimately the best thing to have ever happened.
This overly DRAMATIC image kind of does what I'm thinking a little bit of justice...
Again, it is quite dramatic and something I reckon you'd see on a black and white tumblr blog with sad music in the background.
BUT BUT BUT I agree that not everyone you meet is going to stay in your life forever. I learned this through graduating high school, where I thought I had the best friends ever, and now I talk to less than a handful of people from high school. None of them are from my graduating class either! Shout out to Kayla for being one of my best friends and both of us surviving high school, college, and the swing community together.
I learned this in college, where I thought the exact same thing that I thought in high school. This time the burns hurt more, but they've healed. As a graduate, I realize that everything that had happened led me to where I am right now. And where I am right now is FREAKIN' AWESOME. My entire life since September has been dedicated to school, Key of Sea, assorted shows, and graduate school. Now I get to live out the dream of a lifetime by getting my MFA in London.
Despite the snipping, the burns, the loss...I am exactly where I dreamed I would be and filled with zero regrets. This doesn't mean I didn't get a few cuts, bruises, and scars. Getting here wasn't the easiest road and there definitely was struggle along the way, but I got here.
I have to filter people that I let into my life because, after graduating twice and living life, I have learned that not only are most people not meant to stay but a lot of people shouldn't have been let in at all. Of course, you realize this after something fishy happens or a red flag beats you upside the head. But knowing that not everyone is meant to to stay and that not everyone is meant to be let in are two very important principles. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU THROW UP WALLS AND KICK PEOPLE IN THE FACE WHO TRY TO GET TO KNOW YOU. It means you use good judgement, you evaluate people, you seek wise council, you filter.
Two of the closest people in my life have been there for years and have made it through some really hard times. Like, really difficult life points that seemed like nothing good would ever happen again. I treasure those friendships and look to foster the ones I have now. I know that me leaving will be a speed bump, or a wall for some, but that's part of growing up and continuously filtering and being filtered. I also know that come September there will be some people who will not make it into that next phase of my life. All I really know is that I am quite fond of a drama free life, have no problem removing toxicity, and will not put up with dysfunctional behavior from anyone. This is living a filtered life, a clean life, a healthy life.
I am feeling quite filtered, maybe you should start calling me Brita.
