As I am going to assume you know...I leave for my London Semester on July 28th.
That's in like...eleven days.
Eleven days.
Eleven.
Days.
11.
damn.
I have slowly been realizing that I will be leaving and that has been causing me some anxiety. Okay, not just some. It's actually a lot. This is going to be a trip where I will be experiencing a series of firsts.
Such as:
- First time living with a room mate
- First time living in a dorm situation
- First time away from home for more than a week
- First time traveling without my parents
- First time traveling outside of the country
You see now why I am so anxious. I know what some people might be thinking, "You're gonna have the time of your life, don't worry!" or "You will be having such a great time, you'll forget to be anxious!!!" or anything that is similar. I agree that eventually I will have a ton of fun and I will move on from my anxiousness and sadness. But that moment hasn't come yet, and right now I am full of many emotions. I can attribute most of this to the fact that I will really miss my parents. I have lived with them all my life, I never had the "going away to college" separation thing because I live at home, and I get to see them everyday.
I am especially close to my dad. If you have ever seen us or hung out with us together, then you know that we are two peas in one crazy pod. We always have fun and joke around. He is a great role model for what I should look for in a future husband, he is always there for me, he helps me grow and overcome problems, and loves me unconditionally. I love love love love love my dad. He is my rock and I thank God every day that he gave me such an awesome dad. I am so lucky to have him in my life and I know I wouldn't be the person I am today without my dad. All of this being said, he is one of the main reasons I am so sad to leave.
Don't get me wrong, I am SO DAMN EXCITED. But at the same time, I am so sad to be away from my dad for four and half months. I love him and he keeps me sane. I know he is only a Skype call away but I am so used to just walking into the other room and having him there that I don't know how I will handle myself when I'm there for awhile. My dad not only loves me unconditionally, but he also helps me handle things that I go through. Like I said, I am so incredibly blessed.
While I've been experiencing this sadness and anxiety, I've been randomly crying. It happens whenever I am hanging out with my dad and we mention missing each other, London, me leaving, or anything that remotely triggers me thinking about any of those things. It's gotten pretty bad to where I will just sit and sob and think about how much I miss him, even though I haven't left yet. This may sound childish to some people, but they can suck it. And I know that part of it is that I'm scared.
Scared. Anxious. Sad. Nervous. Excited.
Those are the main emotions I am feeling and they are very powerful. I guess the only thing I can do is enjoy my eleven days (HOLY BALLS) and pray that God keeps me safe and panic attack free. Because I definitely am on edge all day every day for awhile.
The summary of this post:
1. I leave in ELEVEN FREAKING DAYS.
2. I love my dad.
3. I will miss my dad.
4. I spontaneously will cry if I think about it, so I'm sorry.
5. I am very excited, do not think that I am not.
6. I leave in 11 days. holy crap.
7. HOLY CRAP.
8. I will also be missing all of my friends.
9. Please pray for me, I will need lots of it!
10. WISH ME LUCK.
I can't promise I will blog before I leave, my life is about to get ridiculous in the next ELEVEN FREAKING DAYS. But, I may. So, you know...keeps your eyes peeled!
CHEERIO!
